meltingaway

I have been dealing with a stupid injury for days now.  I strained, pulled, dislocated, something in my knee.  I was lifting 100plus pounds of magazines and hurt myself.  I don’t know what I did, I just know it hurts.  I have not been able to walk right since Saturday evening.  I am about tired of it.  I am getting very depressed.  I have not felt the endorphin rush from working out in almost a week.  I miss that.  I am going to go to the Y and do as much as I can this evening.  Something is better than nothing.  I am not going to undo the progress I have made!  I refuse to gain back that weight.  I am not making excuses.  I quit many other habits/addictions that required a big lifestyle change this is one more.  My body maybe wounded, but it is not broken.  I will work through this the way I have worked through everything else.  One choice at a time, trying always to do the next right thing.

The scale is not the only place I see progress.  I have started seeing it in the mirror, in my close, and friends have said they can see a difference.  Yesterday afternoon I was next door and got a call that a customer need my assistance asap.  I dropped what I was doing and came back.  But I surprised myself in the way I came back.  Normally I would have gone down the elevator then walked back across the lawn.  But no I ran down 2 flights of stairs and jogged halfway across the lawn without thinking about it.  I made myself slow down, because I needed to be able to talk when I got in the office.  It is amazing to know that I can move!  I can move fast!  I have a body that works and no longer feels broken!  I think this is the best evidence of progress I have found.

I didn’t walk this morning as planned.  I can tell a difference in the way I feel.  I am sluggish and very blah.  I was looking at apartments during lunch and wasn’t able to walk then either.  I am actually glad it makes this much difference.  I need to see or feel results to stay motivated.

I am struggling with making the healthy choices when no one is watching.  Who the heck do I think I am kidding.  I carry this extra weight because I eat more calories than I burn.  It does not matter if people see me eat or not.  I wear every bite I eat there is no hiding it.  I need to stop lying to myself and face reality.