meltingaway

Last week I didn’t know how I had lost 4 pounds, this week I don’t know how I gained 3 back.  I thought I had done better than that this week.  At least I am still down 6.75 pounds for the month.  I need to focus on the good not the bad or I will have another bad week next week.  I need to kick the 5k training into gear.  If I don’t get started I will not be ready for August 1st.

I am full of it this morning.  I am happy and lovin life.  I am also finding humor in inappropriate places.  Such as the following cartoon.  I don’t know why, but I can’t help but laugh when I read it.  One friend told me to back off the medication.  I told her if 21 pounds did this much to my personality, just think what 245 will do.  With each pound I am gaining confidence and self esteem, letting go of the pain and issues that led to the weight gain, and finding myself.  It is really amazing to know and feel that I am worthy.

Have a Blessed Day, I know I will.

Jessie

One of the tips I hear over and over again is you need an exercise partner.  It makes the time go by quicker, you put more into it, and you keep up a routine longer, so forth and so on.

I am finding for myself the oposite is true, or I have chosen really bad exersice parttners.  I don’t put in as much effort when I am walking or working out with someone else.    I often slow my pace, or I don’t push myself as much as I normally would.  If they are unable to work out then I don’t work out either.  When I am on my own I don’t put time limits, distance limits, or any expectations on what I am doing ( I do put miniums on everthing).  I go until my body tells me no more, then I usually go another 5 minutes or 10 reps. 

Has anyone else found this, or I am blowing smoke again?

That’s where this site and TOPS come in.  I am being held accountable without distraction.  Blogging about what is on mind, seeing what others are doing, and stepping on the scales each week is what keeps me going.  All the stuff in between Mis such a blur,  most days I can’t remember is I forwarded my phone as I walked out of the office or not.

I am learning what is it to be hungry, over hungry, satisfied, full, and stuffed.  This is something I struggle with since I use food as a coping mechanism for everything.  Having to learn such a basic thing as what hungry is shows how unhealthy my relationship with food is.  I know that the last few days have been relatively easy days.  And when I have a very bad day no amount of reasoning keeps me from eating EVERYthing I can get my hands on.  Today I am okay with that, and when that bad day hits I will deal with it then.  Today I am at peace and that is more than I could ask for.   When I really think about it finding peace is what I really want.  Weather it is with my own demons, food, or my body.  I just want inner peace.   I know that until I stop eating more calories than by body needs I will not achieve my goal weight. 

I lost 4 pounds this week.  Another sign I need to change my way of thinking and believe in myself more.  My negative self defeating attitude is getting in the way of my success.  I went to a training seminar last month titled Peak Performance and Positive Thinking. 

Two things which stuck with me.  The research done on negative speak and positive affirmations.

Research conducted by Jack Hanfield found we hear and see 424 negatives to 14 positives everyday.  For each 2 negatives we hear it takes 24 positives to undo the negative effects.  Negative speaks includes can’t, no, don’t, and but. 

I do not remember the source for the positive affirmation study.  The study found it takes 30 continuous days of saying an affirmation to change you way of thinking.  It takes this long for your unconscious mind to absorb what the conscious mind is telling it.  If you miss a day then you start again from day one. We also learned how to write our own personalized affirmations.  I wrote a page full of them.  Then didn’t read them again, until today. 

Here are a some I wrote for myself.

1. I am making healthy choices.

2. I know I am worthy of love and respect.

3. I am living the life I have chosen.

4. I am a positive forward thinker who makes a difference in the world around her.

I have stayed off my knee as much as possible for the past few weeks.  I allowed not being able to move be more depressing than I like to admit.  I did not bother to update my blog or even log in.  The first week off I gained 7.25 pounds YIKES!!  Week 2 I lost 1.5 pounds and week 3 I lost 4.25 pounds.  The losses were a combination of reduced swelling and less binge eating.  Food is still the first place I turn when I have any strong emotion negative or positive.  This week I have not met any fitness goals.  I have however snacked much less and had more well portioned balanced meals. I have not stepped on a scale.  Tonight is TOPS and I will see if I have maintained or gained.

I have heard many people say they make a choice to eat right and be active everyday.  I think the longest stretch I have had of making that choice is 3 1/2 weeks.  Most recently, it was 4 or 5 days.  I find myself getting so tired.  I  think I need a break from watching everything I eat and counting every step.  When I take one day off it turns into 2, 3, or 4.  Then I spend the next week making up for it.  I would love to find the middle ground.  In my mind there should be a spot somewhere between killing myself in the gym and couch potato.  Bouncing from one extreme to another is not working for the long run and I know this.  So, why do I keep doing it?