meltingaway

I walked 2 miles this morning!  I am really increasing my endurance and stamina!

I have realized that it is not as difficult to get up in the morning to go for a walk as I made it out to be.  I have found that the things I procrastinate over the most end up being the easiest to do.  But only after I stop making excuses and building and creating the worst case scenario in my head do I really see how silly I am.  It makes me wonder how much easier life would be if I was not a procrastination queen.  I am also seeing that healthy living is not as difficult as I always believed.  It is just different.  Once I allowed my palate to adjust to fruit smoothies for breakfast, grilled chicken and veggies for dinner, and fruit instead of processed sugar for snacks, I do not feel deprived.  Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy a burger of fried chicken more than I would like to admit, but not as often as I once did.  Maybe I am learning to control my emotions and not let my emotions control me.  I am just thankful I have found sources of support.  Most of all I am thankful I have found spirituality again.  Today I feel truly blessed.  (I just need to remind myself of this on bad days when I feel out of control and disconnected.)

I had a very good weekend.  I did not lose control of my eating.  Weekends off are usually very difficult for me.  I have a very difficult time staying out of the fridge.  In the past I have made menus to help with some of the snacking.  This past weekend I didn’t plan, but I kept my hands and mind busy with cleaning and reading.  By cleaning I mean deep cleaning and organizing every inch of my apartment.  By reading I mean  I read the 2nd and 3rd Twilight books.  No, I did not get much sleep, and yes, I am paying for it today.  I plan on a very early night tonight.  I did not got for a walk this morning because I was up until 4am.  I am planning a 45 minute walk Tuesday and Wednesday to balance out this morning’s missed walk.  Even though I am very tired, I am proud of myself for doing so well this weekend. 

I love the way my body reacts to more exercise.  I like having more energy to get through the day.  I was able to wake up earlier this morning and I didn’t need to talk myself into it.  I still need to get up 15 minutes earlier so I don’t have to rush through my morning routine.  I am looking forward to next week and the positive effects of healthy choices. 

I went for a walk this morning and ate healthy today.  I had to list the reasons why I needed to get out of bed when my alarm went off.  I am glad I did.  That 30 minutes of sleep might have been nice, but it was not as good as the walk.

I just got back from weigh in at TOPS.  I lost 3/4 of a pound this week.  I am very happy with a loss, no matter how small.  Since it was not a full pound it does not show on my weight  tracker, but it does show on the graph hanging on my fridge.  That puts me at 10.25 pounds loss this month.  And I didn’t kill myself to get there. I had good and bad days, skipped allot of workouts, but I still stayed on track enough to keep the scale going in the right direction.  This is the first month I have had no gains during the month.  I think I will reward myself with something fun this weekend.  

This morning I went for a 1.5 mile walk and had a banana & soymilk smoothie and peanut butter toast.  It was the best start to the day I have had in over a week.  Blahs have left the building!

I am so thankful for this site and everyone on it.  Reading about your successes and struggles is amazing.  And the encouragement and support is priceless. I am so glad my buddy Katherine told me about it.  

One of the things I have been trying to do is become more positive and gracious.  In a training seminar a few weeks ago the speaker said instead of counting sheep say the alphabet, for each letter name something you are grateful/thankful for.  She said she never gets to the letter Z because she keeps going back to previous letters when she thinks of something better than the first thing she named.   It really works, and I think I sleep more peacefully too. 

I was seeing great results and then I hit some kind of road block.  I don’t want to wallow in self pity.  I refuse to be a victim!  I have spent too much time and energy doing that and it gets me NO WHERE.  I am not wasting anymore energy trying to figure what went wrong or what tripped me up.  I can do that later after I get off my ass and start doing what I need to do.  I am not planning for the week I am planning for today and today only.  The definition of insanity keeps running through my mind: repeating the same action expecting different results.  I still have a couple days before I weigh in.  I may not do very well this week, but it is not going to be as bad as it could be.  Okay I am good and pissed at myself , which normally gets me going better than anything.  Thanks for reading yet another rant.

I hit my first mini goal this week.  I lost 1 pound!  It’s not the 4 pounds I have lost every week for the past few weeks, but I am extremely happy with myself.   The number on the scale has not been this low in over 10 years!  I am resetting my mini goal, I can’t wait to see how great I feel when I get there.  

I don’t talk about it here normally, but I am involved in a local weight loss support group where I live.  I have been beating my head against the wall trying to find a way to motivate the others in the group.  I am the co-leader, and I am responsible for scheduling or giving the program for the meeting.  The program normally consist of why this or that is good or bad for weight loss.  The organization does not tell members they have to follow any certain diet or plan.  We provide as much information as possible then let members make their own choices.  Most of the group has been in a slump for the past 6 months.  I have decide to do a back to basics series of programs.  Calories in minus calories used equal weight loss/gain.  I know I can’t make anyone do anything they do not want to do.  At the same time I will not be happy unless I do as much as I can to help everyone. 

This is what I have planned so far.

1. Motivation and Attitude
2. Balanced Eating Part 1
3. Balanced Eating Part 2
4. Get Movin Part 1
5. Get Movin Part 2

I have created a few games and challenges that are very basic.  One of the biggest hurtles is negative attitudes.  I hear can’t, don’t, won’t, no and never from too many people on a weekly basis.  I am trying to find a tackful way to say if you are not here to lose weight then why the heck do you show up?  If this doesn’t get people going I don’t know what I will try next.  I can tell many of the members do want to lose weight, while others don’t care one way or another.  I am staying positive.  I can only present the information what they do with it is their choice. 

This is a overly self involved pity party I am trying to work through.  I am definitely not in a confident place.  I am trying to shake myself out of it, but it has not worked so far.  I am sure this is just the natural ups and downs.  Even so I hate the way I feel.  I keep checking my goals and I am on track.  I should be confident that I am doing what I need to do to have a loss this week.  This is one of those time when I hate the scale.  I should not let it control my life this way.  This morning when I dressed for work I noticed the top I am wearing fits better than it ever has.  I am taking less time to walk to and from work.  My skin is clearer than it has ever been.  I am having less digestion problems despite the medication my body hates but needs.  I list all these things so I can remind myself I am on plan.  I am making healthy choices.  The scale is not the only proof of my efforts.  And lastly, anytime I feel this way and have no evidence to back it up I lose at least 2 pounds.  I need to breath and be thankful for all I have achieved and believe I am making healthy choices.  I am at that place where I am sabotaging myself because I am afraid of success.  I am 1 pound away from my first mini goal.  I should be over the moon with excitement, not paralyzed by fear.   I know this is an insane way of thinking.  I am trying to change it, because I will not allow myself to fail.  I am worthy of love and respect and that has to start with me.  I think I am good for the moment.  I need to get from the place where I know I am worthy to I truly believe I am worthy.  I am getting there.  Ok, I am finished ranting and bemoaning, thanks for listening.

I am not sure about my progress this week.  I have been eating more carbs than I normally do.  I have controlled my portions for the most part, but I have not been as calorie conscious.  Like the fat free milk I bought from Braums has 130 calories per cup instead of the 70 to 90 of other fat free milk.  I know little things like this can add up and really show on the scale. 

I did go for a midnight walk Sunday night/ Monday morning.  I also walked to work this morning.   And let me tell ya it was already HOT at 7:30 when I left my apartment.  I will walk home at noon to get my car and run some errands.  I hope I don’t melt.  Soon I will only be able to walk to work then take the bus home.  I have lived in this God forsaken oven, aka Oklahoma,  long enough to know how dangerous the heat can be.  At least the bus is free since I am an employee.  Yeah job perks! 

 This morning I noticed a negative side effect of losing weight.  I am getting the under arm skin flap thing.  Does anyone have any suggestions on how to tighten up this area?  I don’t like the double wave I have goin on!

Last week my goals were simple and I accomplished all of them!  I even went over the 2 pound loss for a 5 pound loss.  I am so pleased with myself.  I have never been good at finishing things or following through.  The life changes I am making now are really working!

This week’s Goals:

Walk 5 miles

Drink 64 oz 7 of 7 days

Go to Tan and Tone at least 3 times.  I have been paying for a toning membership and not using it.  It is rediculous to waste the money.  So I am going to get back to it.

I am 1 pound away from my first mini goal.  I am so excited!

I celebrated my 30 Birthday today (12 days late).  I had friends over for lunch to celebrate.  It was a very different party from my 21st, when I learned to make tequilla slushies.  My apartement is really too small for more than 4 or 5 guest at a time.  I didn’t really think about that until I ran out of seating.   

Anyway, so I ate too much while everyone was here.  Then I took a 6 hour nap.  I woke up at 10:15pm.  I had planned for the big meal.  I had eaten less than 200 calories at breakfast and stuck with water all day.  When I woke up I had a few pieces of left over french bread and left over salad with no fat dressing.  I stayed away from the left over lasagna. 

I really needed that long nap.  I feel rested for the first time in weeks.  I think I will go for a walk since I am wide awake and don’t want to clean or think about all the things on my todo list this week. 

I didn’t take a walk this afternoon and went straight from one job to another at 5:00.  I have worked my butt off this evening though.  My pedometer says I have walked 4,217 steps.  I still have 2 more hours on my shift.  So far I have made beds, washed dishes, ran back and forth getting one thing and another for the clients.  I still need to mop floors, wash windows, water plants, and take vitals, then clean anything else I can find to clean.  I will hit 6,000 steps before I leave.  Doing all this will make up for the walk I missed today.  I will be able to go for a walk on Saturday and Sunday.  I will do it.  I am not letting myself off the hook.  I enjoy the feeling I get when I have worked out, when I step on the scales and lose, and when I know that I accomplished what I set out to do.  I like feeling like a winner.  I like knowing that I am winning this battle against the extra poundage.  More than anything I like feeling comfortable in my own skin.  I told Katherine today that I love being able to sit in a booth at a resturant again.  A few months ago I was too fat and had to ask for a table, it was embarrassing.  I felt like a failure and less than a person.  But no more.  It is not something I ever thought I would be proud of, life is strange that way.  I take accomplishment wherever I can find them.  I am learning to celebrate them and not let anyone diminsh what I have done.  I am a winner because I choose to be.