meltingaway

I have been on a downward spiral for a few days.  My eating has been sketchy.  Last night I admitted to myself what the problem is and the steps I need to take to make things better not worse.  Keeping in mind that thinking and doing are 2 different things, it wasn’t until lunch today that I was able to completely relax. 

The problem is I am tired.  Not just the I need a couple hours extra sleep tired, the I need to shut down and tell everyone to back off for a few days tired.  I have been working 50 to 70 hours a week.  The few days off I have had have been filled with obligations to different people and groups.  On Monday I realized I had not been to on OA meeting in 3 weeks and had not looked at or thought about my plan of eating in over a month.  This will not do.  I have taken major steps to create the life I want, I refuse to go backward and have all my effort be for nothing. 

To get myself back where I need to be I have to focus more on taking care of myself and less on taking care of everyone else.  And even less on putting up appearances, I am not fooling anyone with the mask I wear.  I have played the martyr for too many years I am not a victim and I will not slip back into those behaviors.  I am worth more than that.