meltingaway

This is a overly self involved pity party I am trying to work through.  I am definitely not in a confident place.  I am trying to shake myself out of it, but it has not worked so far.  I am sure this is just the natural ups and downs.  Even so I hate the way I feel.  I keep checking my goals and I am on track.  I should be confident that I am doing what I need to do to have a loss this week.  This is one of those time when I hate the scale.  I should not let it control my life this way.  This morning when I dressed for work I noticed the top I am wearing fits better than it ever has.  I am taking less time to walk to and from work.  My skin is clearer than it has ever been.  I am having less digestion problems despite the medication my body hates but needs.  I list all these things so I can remind myself I am on plan.  I am making healthy choices.  The scale is not the only proof of my efforts.  And lastly, anytime I feel this way and have no evidence to back it up I lose at least 2 pounds.  I need to breath and be thankful for all I have achieved and believe I am making healthy choices.  I am at that place where I am sabotaging myself because I am afraid of success.  I am 1 pound away from my first mini goal.  I should be over the moon with excitement, not paralyzed by fear.   I know this is an insane way of thinking.  I am trying to change it, because I will not allow myself to fail.  I am worthy of love and respect and that has to start with me.  I think I am good for the moment.  I need to get from the place where I know I am worthy to I truly believe I am worthy.  I am getting there.  Ok, I am finished ranting and bemoaning, thanks for listening.