Surreal Life
I am so shallow. I get an ego boost everytime I click on my reader and see new faces. I have such low self worth, love, and esteem. On good days I am fine, I can see I am not a waste of space. On bad days I see myself as I was before I started creating the life I always wanted. I don’t think anyone would want to read what I have to say. Even though I see my weight tracker and I have a hand drawn graph on my fridge, my 30 pound loss still seems surreal. I expect to wake up one day and find that the last 6 months of success have been a dream, that I am still living at home with my Dad, and my life is a pathetic mess. I can’t see the forest for the trees. Yesterday I went to lunch with a friend and almost requested a table. I forget I have lost enough to fit into a booth again. I did I little dance in my mind when I slid into the booth with no problem. I know my mind will catch up and I will see myself clearly. I will see myself as the indepentant woman I am, not the lost little girl I have been. I better stop, I am about to make myself cry. I don’t want pitty, I just needed to unload and see the obsertity of my thoughts on the screen. Seeing things in writing or saying them out loud really helps me process. Thanks everyone for reading and encouraging me. Without the support I have found on here and other places I don’t think I would be looking at a 30 pound loss since the New Year. I am beginning to see the damage growing up as a fat kid has done. I have some major security issues to work on. Deep breath and I know I can handle anything. It is easier to stay fat and isolated than get healthy and live life.
Ok, I am reading it. You are NOI a waste of space. Look at what you have accomplished and be proud. Start loving yourself. Believe you can do it, and own your success!!
WOOT!!! You can do it!!! [you’re not a waste of space!!]
Incredible!!! Well I would have to say that indeed you are not a waste of space but rather a real inspiration!!! It’s all still new to you that you are changing and becoming different but learn to embrace it and love it. Celebrate each day with a little something nice to say to yourself about yourself in the mirror. You can do this, and you will love and accept the new wonderful you!
You’re right it’s easier to stay fat and isolated but it’s not easier to be in that place. It’s like a arduous trek through scary places to get somewhere wonderful. It’s so hard to stay focused and keep putting one foot in front of another but the joy the happiness and the freedom of not lugging all the weight around is the best feeling in the world. I was there but due to medical issues I lost my way but I am back on track and I hope you stay on that track with me. That old friend of ours”food” gives us a few minutes of satisfaction and then gives us a dose of guilt and depression. Don’t use food as your friend turn to all of us. Hang in there!! I’ll be thinking of you over the weekend and I know we can both be successful this weekend!
Hey there, you know I was there. Even earlier today, and you sent me a comment on my blog that just helped to say, there really is someone or many out there with the same thoughts and feelings. We are hardest on ourselves. Just think of the fact that you keep logging on and fighting everyday to be your best you. You can do it, Hell you are doing it.
Keep on keepin on
I can relate, I often feel like I’m wasting space.
I enjoy your blogs and I think you are doing a great job.
Thanks! I feel so much better now than I did when I posted this morning. I was having a low moment, but just because I feel fine now doesn’t mean I can ignore how I fealt this morning. I need to work through this so I can enjoy the ride not just focus on the destination (my goal weight). Thanks for reading and encouraging me. You all inspire me!
Jesse, Honey, I feel so bad for being away! You are such a great lady - and having “fat” moments happens. When they do, you did right - know it for what it is - acknowledge the progress you have made - and keep going - that’s what it takes and that’s what you have.
I feel that very same way sometimes, but you are NOT a waste of space, nor am I, nor is anyone else! We are all wonderful people with a colorful array of pasts that brought us all here. And in that respect we are all alike. That is why BS is such a great, supportive place. I hope you are feeling better now. Welcome to the team!
It helps to get things out honey. I am always here to listen, as are many people. You’re a wonderful person. Being overweight knocks your confidence straight out, but gradually we will get it back. We will.xx
I JUST WANT TO HUG YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! I know those feelings too well. You are worthy of everything! I’m so glad to call you my fellow kitty!!!!!!
Keep your head up and whenever you feel like this vent away and we will support you.
This is a safe place to let it all out! It’s good to get it out of your system.
You have accomplished so much. Be proud! You are inspiring to me.
i have been in the exact same place as you. i was overweight my whole life, and i can TRULY say, that with each lb that you lose, you gain many many things. you gain self respect, self love, self esteem. all of that comes along with this journey. it may be hard, the weight may not come off as fast as we all want day to day, but just like you said, you look back 6 months and see how much you have lost, and how quickly it went by. the next 6 months will go just as quickly if you just have faith in yourself and keep focusing on how great you are doing and that you would never want to jeopardize that for anything. you are an amazing woman that IS valuable, and able to be introspective, look at your feelings, and evaluate them for what they are. great job jessie, and welcome to the team!