meltingaway

Today I looked in the mirror and saw a stranger.  I think I have lost half of my face.  I am quickly losing my puffy cheeks, double chin, and neck fat.  I was able to move the seat up in my car because the steering wheel no longer rubbed up against my stomach.  I am back to the surreal feeling of I can’t believe this is me.  This part maybe TMI, but I gotta say it.  So far I am not losing my boobs.  The more my stomach shrinks the bigger they look.  I had a bit of a fear that I would lose my boobs first and be flat chested.  Stupid I know, but I been living in a fat body for so long to make my self ugly to the world.  As I get healthy I want to be attractive for the first time.  I am trying to let go of that superficial ideal and see how attractive a healthy confident body is. 

Day 4:

• walk/jogged 2 miles
• 30 jumping jacks
• 92 oz of water
• 5:45 1cup green tea 6 t sugar before walk….Yes, I know how bad the sugar is.  I am backing off the tea starting tomorrow.
• 6:45 - Breakfast Burrito and smoothie (home made).  1 egg scrambled, 1 slice non fat cheese, and salsa, 5 banana cubes, 1 cup soy milk, and 1 package of chai.  I just read the nutrition info on chai and it has 120 calories! ouch!
• 12:00 - 2 oz spagetti, sauce, 1/2 cup carrots, 1T lite margarine, and an apple. 
• 3:00 - 600 caloried mixed nuts and 12 apple juice.  Sugar bottomed out and I was not prpeared for that.  Too much exercise and not enough small snacks. 
• 6:00 - 1 2/3 fried gas station bagel dog. 
• 7:00 - 10 chocolate chip cookies. 

Okay I did train well, missed water by 4 oz, and forgot to do yoga.  Then I ate like CRAP in the evening.  I would have eaten more, but a good friend reminded me I had said I was done with food for the day.  I gave her a go to hell look, dropped the fork back on her plate, then did jumping jacks.  She then told me the bite of burrito I was going to take was full of cheese and really good.  I told her thanks asshole.  She can eat that way and still be 110 or less pounds.  I love her she is my biggest cheerleader.  She gets as excited as I do when I do well.

Day 5:

• 50 pushups
• 100 situps
• 15 minutes yoga.  I found a series on youtube.com, yoga for beginners.  It’s cut into parts, I did part 1 and 2 tonight.  I will build up and do more each week. 
• 7:15 2 cups special k, 1 cup skim milk, 1 boiled egg
• 12:15 4 oz spagetti 1/2 cup sauce
• 5:15 1 cup cauliflower 1T lite margarine
• 5:45 6 oz grilled chicken, 1 cup baked potato, 1 T lite margarine
• 8:00 20 can of pinapple chinks and unsweetned juice.
• 2 cups green tea with sugar 14 t in all.  That is way too much sugar and lead to missing water today. 
• water 48oz, yikes missed by half.

I was in a funk most of the day.  I don’t know why, I just felt off.  I ended up calling into work last night because I didn’t feel well.  My body was telling me NO MORE!  I went to the training today and learned alot.  I left my notes at work.  I will post the web links and the more interesting stuff on here tomorrow. 

I keep reminding myself honesty, honesty, honesty.  I want to say I am perfect, but I am far from it.  Truth is we are all human, and being perfect is not an option. 

Today was a very good day.

Walk/jog 2 miles ~ Did 2.5
100 Sit ups ~ skipped them my abs are too sore.
50 Push ups ~ 50
B - 1 boiled egg, 2 pc of diet toast, 1 T light margarine, and a banana, chai, soy milk smoothie
L - 2.5 cups mixed baby greens, 1 roma tomato, 1 boiled egg and a salad
S - 200 calorie pack cheese and crackers
S - 1/2 cup skim milk and 1 cup Special K
D - 1 cup brocilli and cauliflower, 1 T light margarine, 3 oz steak, 4 oz pasta, 1/2 c sauce
S - 1 oz chicken, 1 T ranch

I lost count of water I know I drank at least 77 oz.

I need honest feed back on this.  I need to know if I am doing enough, too much, or just right.  Thanks! 

Bad weather back up plan.  This will replace any work out on any day  during week one. 

• BL Season 2 work out
• 100 situps
• 100 wall push ups
• Walk Away the Pounds DVD.

Day 1 (today) 

• 100 sit ups 
• 10,000 + steps

Day 2

• Walk/jog 2 miles.  (Get a base time.) 
• Do as many jumping jacks as I possibly can. 

Day 3

• Walk/jog 2 miles
• 50 wall push ups

Day 4

• Walk/jog 2 miles
• Add 10 jumping jacks to day 2’s number.

Day 5 Rest Day…sorta

• Yoga 15 minutes
• 50 sit ups
• 50 wall push ups

Day 6

• Walk/jog 2 miles
• Yoga 15 minutes
• Add 10 more jumping jacks

Day 7

• Walk/jog 2 miles
• Yoga 15 minutes
• 50 wall push ups

Calorie intake - no less than 2,000 calories - no more than 2,500.

Water at least 96 oz daily

Today I did a 1 mile walk for United Way.  It was great.  I didn’t finish last!!!  This is the second year I have done it.  It is so much fun.  I got 3 friends to go with me.  We got t-shirt, goodie bags, and lunch.  And next week starts OSU Biggest Loser.  I will really kick into high gear then.  I want to be under 300 pounds by Christmas.  I have 35 pounds to go and I know I can do it.  I have lost 11 pound in the last 2 weeks.  I am now 200 pounds from my goal.  It feels amazing to see how far I have come.  I know I would not have come this far without the support of my buddies here and my support system in real life.  I am looking forward to each day, I want to LIVE!  I don’t think I would have been able to say that a year ago. 

I am going to try to do a 5K soon.  The Eskimo Joes Juke Joint Jog is coming up and a couple women I graduated high school with will be there.  We have been facebooking and they are excited.  I am nervous.  It still takes me an hour and 20 minutes to do 5K.  I have a very slow pace.  But I am physically able to do it and I am proud of that. 

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Not only buddyslim, but workouts and eating healthy as well.  Why are these the things that suffer first and the most when life gets busy and stressful?  Is it because the good choices are not ingrained enough to hold strong when things get tough?  Do I need more time under my belt before I expect this to be second nature?  Or is this going to be a life long batter I will never win? 

These are just a few questions running through my brain today.  I didn’t complete Loni’s 13 day challenge.  When I am honest with myself I stopped after the amazing 9 pound loss the first week.  I didn’t see how I could do any better the second half and gave up.  I can make a hundred excuses but the reality is I stopped trying.  I still count the challenge a success.  The scale is only up 1 pound (that’s not official yet).  That means I came out losing at the end of it no matter how you look at it.  I saw a new low number on the scale and that was the best feeling I have had in a very long time.  I have never lost 9 pounds in one week before.  Just think what I could do when I take on another challenge at the end of this week and put more work into it.  I refuse to feel defeated, I will do better because my failures do not define me. 

I found this great quote today. 

“The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.” Gloria Steinem

I need to motivate myself again my scales were up 4 pounds this morning.  It may have just been water weight, but I doubt it.  I want to make Loni’s Challenge a success.  This is my idea for today.  I will update this blog entree all day long.  I am setting some very SHORT term goals to get me out of my comfort zone.  As I do each one I will check it off and add a new one.  As I eat food I will log it as well.  

• Drink 32 oz of water by noon.  52 oz by noon!
• Walk 2,000 steps by noon.  Didn’t do it, at noon I was at 1,506 steps.  I did laps around the office and swept the floors too. 
• 20 lunges by noon.  I realized I do not know the proper form, but I did the best I could.  I will google it later so I can do them correctly next time.

Breakfast ~ 2 cup special k, 1 cup skim milk, and 1 large banana.

• Drink 32 oz of water by 5:00. (For a total of 84 oz)
• Walk 2,494 more steps by 5:00. (For a total of 4,000 steps)
• 50 wall push ups by 5:00.

Lunch ~ 1 1/2 cup mixed baby salad greens, 1/2 a Roma tomato diced, 5 sliced mushrooms, 2 T Fat Free Italian, 5 oz forman grilled chicken, and 1 tortilla. 

Everything changed, I was off this evening, but now I’m not.  I work 5:30 to 11:00.  It will be a long night.  I don’t know how I am going to make it to my apartment, change, grab a bite, and get across town in the 30 minutes I have between jobs.  EERRRRGGGGG, this is going to be interesting to say the least.

At 5:00 at rushed home changed and ate.  I had a tortilla with 2 slices of fat free cheese and 4 sliced mushrooms and a cup of low fat yogurt.  I got to work on time at 5:30.  During work I wasn’t able to drink much water.  I think I got in another 32 oz of water.  I was really hungry when I got off work so I had another small meal. 1 tortilla, 1 pc fat free cheese, 2 sliced mushrooms and salsa. 

• Water 102 oz
• Steps 10,002
• 5 1/2 hour shift at Wal-Mart.
• Stayed connected and positive.
• Did ok on food.  I haven’t counted calories, and I am too wiped out to do it now.  I will try to do it sometime tomorrow.

Ok the challenge went out the window for a few days.  But I am determined to salvage it the last few days.  When I come in with another loss this week, no matter the size, I will count the challenge as a win. 

Fellow Kitties, I have posted the horrible truth of the last few days in the accountability forum.  Let just leave it at I learned off days turn into binge days when I do not plan ahead.  I am not able to have a complete day with no plan, control.  Because letting my guard down that much allows me to justify waaaaayyyyyy too much and I feel icky and bloated 3 days later.

So here is this evening’s plan:

• Make menu and grocery list after work.
• Meeting 6 -7
• 7:15 Pick up April and Brinden (Friend and her son, she is without a car for the moment.)
• Tan and Tone
• 100 sit ups
• Cook dinner
• Grocery Shopping
• Early night (if at all possible)

The first 7 days of the the 13 day challenge were a huge success.  I stuck with it and lost 9 pounds.  I can’t wait for next week.  I am only 9 pounds away from my next mini goal.  I want to reach it by October 1st.  Then that will leave me till Christmas to lose 28 pounds to reach 299 pounds. 

Here is the break down of the challenge and what I did.

• Day 1 - Friday 11th - 1,900 calories and 100 sit ups
• Day 2 - Saturday 12th - 2,026 calories and worked 5.5 hours at Wal-Mart.
• Day 3 - Sunday 13th - 2.067 calories and worked 8 hours at Wal-Mart.
• Day 4 - Monday 14th- 1,893 calories and 100 sit ups
• Day 5 - Tuesday 15th- 1,914 calories and walked 1 mile and some yoga.
• Day 6 - Wednesday 16th - 1, 774 calories and 30 minutes at Tan and Tone.
• Day 7 - Thursday 17th - 1,935 calories and 20 minutes at Tan and Tone.

There was One morning when I was not positive but I was connected.  And one day when I was not connected to but was supper positive.  So it all balances out, I think.  Especially since I did not let the negative mood lead me to over eating. 

I used all the tools available to me, friends, buddyslim, sparkpeople.com, and held myself accountable. I worked out everyday.  Some days were as little as 100 sit ups where others were as much as 8 hours on my feet working my ass off at Wal-Mart. 

I had fun with counting calories and working out.  I did things I have not done in a very long time.  Like go to Tan and Tone or drink a gallon of water in one day. 

Over all this was an amazing week.  I am looking forward to next week.  I think it will be another good week.  I am interested to see how the others in the 13 DayChallenge are doing.

I am happy to report a 9 pound loss this week!!!  I followed Loni’s Challenge and it paid off better than I ever imagined!!!!

• Exercise 1/4 mile walk to and 20 minutes at Tan and Tone. 
• I was not able to stay connected today.  I had training in the morning, and a dentist appointment that kept me away from my computer ALL day. 
• I did stay positive
• I also drank 148 oz of water today.  I am a little sloshy now. 
• My food was spot on.  The calories are a little lower than what I actually had.  I don’t want to take the time to play with serving size to show I hit 2,000.  But it is close enough. 

Grapes, 1 cup 96 25 0 1 Scrambled Egg, 3 large 304 4 22 20 Sara Lee Delightful Whole Wheat Bread (2 slices per serv), 0.5 serving 45 9 1 3 I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, Light Spread (Soft), 1 Tbsp, 1 serving 50 0 5 0

Canned Chicken, 0.2 can (5 oz) 47 0 2 6 Kraft Mayo Light Mayonnaise (Mayo), 0.5 tbsp 25 1 2 0 Grapes, 2 cup 191 50 0 2 Egg, hard boiled yolk, 1 serving 59 0 4 3 Crackers, with cheese filling, 3 cracker, sandwich 100 13 4 2

Sweet Tea, 2 serving 280 74 0 0 Sour Cream, 1 tbsp 26 1 3 0 Margarine like spread, approximately 40% fat, 6 tsp 99 0 11 0 Baked Potato (baked potatoes), 1 potato (2-1/3″ x 4-3/4″) 145 34 0 3 Boneless Buffalo Wings 0.4 serving 468 20 34 20

			CALORIES	CARBS	FAT	PROTEIN
			1,935	230	90	61
			2,000 - 2,150	272 - 393	54 - 94	60 - 212
			65 - 215	42 - 163	0 - 4	0 - 151

I am so ready for weigh in this week I have not done this well for 6 straight days in MONTHS!!!  But I am also a little scared.  After I got going on this challenge and found my grove with the food and everything it all seems too easy.  It’s like I am doing something wrong. 

• Excersie - 30 minutes on toning tables and played on my exercise ball. 
• I Stayed connected and focused today. 
• Food - Excellent, although I just ate and it’s after 9:00pm.

Tomorrow maybe difficult.  I am in training in the morning, then I have a dentist appointment in the afternoon.  I don’t do well when my day is so off the normal routine.  To make it work I should plan my meals tonight.  This will help me avoid over eating when I am rushing around trying to take care of everythign and everyone. 

Cheerios Cereal, 2 cup (1 serving) 200 40 4 6 Grapes, 1 cup 96 25 0 1 Milk, nonfat, 1 cup 86 12 0 8

Broccoli, frozen, 0.5 package (10 oz) 41 8 0 4 Brown Rice, long grain, 1 cup 216 45 2 5 Canned Chicken, 0.2 can (5 oz) 47 0 2 6 Kraft Mayo Light Mayonnaise (Mayo), 0.5 tbsp 25 1 2 0 Tortillas, MISSION, flour tortilla, 8 inch, 1 serving 140 24 3 4 I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, Light Spread (Soft), 1 Tbsp, 1 serving 50 0 5 0

Barilla thin spagetti, 2 oz 200 42 1 7 Spaghetti/Marinara Sauce (tomato sauce), 0.5 cup 71 10 3 2 Ground Turkey, 0.25 unit, yield from 1 lb raw 194 0 11 23 Green Beans (snap), 1 cup 34 8 0 2 Carrots, raw, 1 slice 1 0 0 0 I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, Light Spread (Soft), 1 Tbsp, 2 serving 100 0 10 0

Hard Boiled Egg, 2 large 155 1 11 13 Grapes, 1 cup 96 25 0 1 Dill Pickles, 4 spear 22 5 0 1

			CALORIES	CARBS	FAT	PROTEIN
			1,774	245	55	82
			2,000 - 2,150	272 - 393	54 - 94	60 - 212
			226 - 376	27 - 148	0 - 39	0 - 130

After my earlier post today I calmed down and let go of the negative.  I am getting better a processing and getting through bad days.  Today I did not even think about eating away my feeling.  I am too focused on this challenge to sabotage myself.  I love it!!!

Exercise - I walked 1 mile today and did some yoga poses to round out for a 30 minute work out.  Very happy with this.

Food - Stayed under 2,000 agian yeah 2 days in a row!

Mind - The day started off bad but,  with the help of buddies and one Pink Sheep, it turned out good. 

Situps - 0

I watched the Biggest Loser tonight, how scary and motivating at the same time.  WOW!!!

Scrambled Egg, 1 large 101 1 7 7 Milk, nonfat, 1 cup 86 12 0 8 Cheerios Cereal, 1 cup (1 serving) 100 20 2 3 Grapes, 1 cup 96 25 0 1

Dill Pickles, 2 spear 11 2 0 0 Sara Lee Delightful Whole Wheat Bread (2 slices per serv), 1 serving 90 18 1 6 Canned Chicken, 0.3 can (5 oz) 70 0 3 9 Carrots, raw, 1 cup, chopped 52 12 0 1 Kraft Mayo Light Mayonnaise (Mayo), 0.5 tbsp 25 1 2 0 Grapes, 1 cup 96 25 0 1

Hamburger or Hot Dog Buns, 2 roll 240 43 4 8 Ground beef, lean, 6 oz 449 0 35 30 Hunt’s Manwich Original Sloppy Joe Sauce, 0.25 cup 40 9 0 1

Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain Cereal Bar, blueberry, 2 serving 260 48 6 4 Canned Chicken, 0.2 can (5 oz) 47 0 2 6 Tortillas, MISSION, flour tortilla, 8 inch, 1 serving 140 24 3 4 Dill Pickles, 2 spear 11 2 0 0

			CALORIES	CARBS	FAT	PROTEIN
			1,914	242	68	91
			2,000 - 2,150	272 - 393	54 - 94	60 - 212
			86 - 236	30 - 151	0 - 26	0 - 121

I woke up in the worst mood this morning. I am trying to snap myself out of it, but so far no luck.  I am annoyed because the last few days have been great days.  I don’t want to be pissed off, I want to be happy damn it!  Which it is pissing me off even more that I cannot get myself out of this black mood.  I thought venting would help, but so far it has not.  I just got this message on twitter -”pinkshepherd@Jessisbored Here is a simple meditation you can do at work. Close your eyes. Take the deepest longest breath you can. Exhale while smiling.”  I forget to breath when I am in a bad mood.  It help me begin to relax.

Gees do I sound like a big whiny baby or what?   Ok, I am feeling better now.

Yesterday I did a few searches on line for new exercises.  I found a great sight for exercise ball beginners. (I am finally getting more comfortable on mine)  http://www.exerciseballworkouts.net/index.html.  I also found some yoga poses to strengthen my back.  Sun Salutation and something Cat.  I love Sun Salutations and Cobra pose.   

I am walking home for lunch today.  University Avenue is open again which makes it even easier to walk.  I just need to do it more often.