meltingaway

“The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!”  Marvin Phillips

This simple play on words got me thinking.  Do I have any umph in my life.  A couple months ago I was rockin the meal plan and workouts.  I was seeing losses of around 10 pounds each month.  I had umph!  The past couple months I have been lossing less than 5 pounds a month.  I have been phoning it in.  I lost my umph. 

I used to get out of bed at 5:30 3-5 times a week to walk for an hour or more.  I loved walking the quiet streets at dawn then coming home and making a fruit smoothie.  It was a great start to the day.  Now I drag myself out of bed and show up to work half put together and 5 minutes late.  These are classic signs of depression and burn out.  I have slipped off my game and I hate it.  I will not reach my goals this way anytime soon.  I have been talking about this off and on for weeks it seems.  I just can’t seem to get my head back in it.  URRGGG, I hate feeling this way.  I am wasting time and energy chasing the same rabbit trails.  I am getting NO WHERE!!!  In the past writing out my goals has helped.  So I’ll try that again, maybe seeing new goals will help.  

1. Lose 50 pounds this years.
2. 299 by New Years 2010
3. Hit half way to goal mark by my 31st birthday.  (June 2nd)
4. Reach Onderland
5. Hit 3/4 mark to gaol

I don’t want to put a timeline on my later goals yet.  When I do that I don’t enjoy the one I achieved yesterday.  I don’t celebrate them accomplishment and live in the moment.

I checked out a blog titled day 1 again just a second ago.  So how many day 1’s does it take?   My answer: As many as it takes to reach health and fitness goals and maintain them.  This isn’t a sprint, it’s a life long change.  So if it takes 1 or 1,000 day 1’s who cares?  As long as we keep trying and never give up we are succeeding.

I am sick as a dog at the moment.  My eating is all over the place, and I am not exercise because I feel like I am going to pass out walking 20 feet.  I am starting a second round of antibiotics and steroids.  I am finally slowing down enough to rest and let my body heal.  I am hoping that I will finally kick this stuff and be well again. Today the scale showed I am down 8 pounds.  This in not the healthy way to lose the weight.  I doubt it will hold since I am starting steroids.  I will be more careful of my eating and keep my calories low.  I’ll see how it all comes out at the end of the week.

I am working out my thoughts in this blog.  I need to get them organized and focused. I do that best if I reason everything out on paper or screen.  It will most likely be boring, but it’s what is on my mind today.   My life is becoming a big mess.  Nothing is organized or planned, and I am missing too many of my goals.  I have been slipping bit by bit for a month or so.  So what to do now?  Look at my priorities and see if they are on track to reach my goals and live the life I want to live.   Get rid of the clutter in my life.  Start planning meals and exercise in more detail.  If I don’t know what I am doing to reach to my goals then I won’t reach them. 

What I know I need to do to reach my health goals.

1. Meal Planning
2. Exercise
3. Water
4. Sleep
5. Motivation and Focus

I have been on track with water since last Thursday.   I started getting caught up on sleep last night and will continue to get at least 7 hours each night.  I would like to get 8, but that is not always possible.  Motivation is this blog.  As I get everything in order and plan I will become more motivated and focused. That leaves meal planning and exercise.  These are the most difficult for me.  I don’t know why they just are.  I need 30 to 60 minutes of exercise 5 days a week and 2,000 to 2,300 calories per day.  I will start posting my accountability here or in the Wildcat forum. 

Gotta cut this short.  I will write more later/tomorrow.

As of last week I had 5 pounds until my next mini goal.  So what do I do.  I get stressed and burned out and I am up 5 pounds this week.  I don’t officially weigh in until Thursday, and I know a lot can happen in that time.  But I am thinking I am not going to like what I see on the scale this week.  I know what I did.  I stopped training and started eating.  My behavior and habit are the definition of insanity.

Okay shutting up now.  I am not going to come on here and whine and cry because I made bad choices.  Here is my plan for the rest of the week. 

Tuesday:

• 50 sit ups
• 50 push ups
• 6 1/2 hours on my feet at job #2

Wednesday:

• Walk everywhere.  I will not need my car until 6:15pm.  I can walk to everything.
• Yoga 30 minutes

Thursday:

• Walk everywhere. I will to need my car at all today. 

Friday:

• 50 sit ups
• 50 push ups
• 6 1/2 hours on my feet at job #2 

2,000 calories per day

64 oz of water per day

Every year at this time I am caught off guard by allergies.  I don’t have the normal reaction so I spend a few days or a week wondering what the heck is wrong with me.  Well it’s hit again, and that is the reason I am tired, my head is fuzzy, and I can’t seem to think straight, no sneezing, watery eyes, stuffiness, or congestion.  When the head ache hit a few minutes ago I finally realized what is going on with my body.  I hope it passes quickly.  I am a big whiny baby and I hate not feeling like myself. But on to the better news.

I lost 5 pounds this week.  I made some good choices and they paid off.  I am still soda free!

Thursday Accountability: Day 4 of staying with in calorie range.  Missed my water by 2/3s.  I did take my medication, but was unable to read blogs or the Wildcat forum.  I also didn’t exercise.  I missed more of my goals than I checked off.  Which is fine, I am not perfect and everyone has off days. 

My goals for the week.

1. Stay with in calorie range. 
2. Exercise 5 days.
3. Take meds
4. Drink 96 oz of water daily
5. Stay in touch with buddies.
6. Read a book 30 minutes everyday. 

I hope this all makes some sense to everyone.  I can’t focus enough to be certain that what I typed is what I meant to say. 

Let no feeling of discouragement prey upon you, and in the end you are sure to succeed. - Abraham Lincoln

Another good day, with odd hectic morning.  I work up with 25 minutes to show, get dressed, and eat breakfast.  Then I left my keys in my car when I got to work.  I haven’t done that in forever! 

I am looking forward to this evening.  I am going to go to my Dad’s and mow to do yard work.  There is always tons to do and not enough time to do it.  Between the heat and and the work it will be really good exercise.  I like to change things up as often as possible.  It keeps me from getting bored and keeps my body guessing. 

I missed my exercise goals for the last 2 days.  I need to step it up and get my body moving if I want to see  results.  I also need to start counting calories more.  I need to be more aware of what I am putting into my body and what I am burning off.  I would love to get a body bug.  But I know I can’t afford it at the moment. 

I have rambled long enough for one day.  Thanks everyone for reading.

I am pissed at myself.  I ate exactly as much as I burned this week.  I maintained, no gain, no loss, just stayed where I was.  The scale is our compass that shows where we are going.  (Read that in someones blog last month, wish I remembered who’s.  It was an awesome blog.)  If is it goes down we are headed in the right direction.  If it goes up we are going in the wrong direction and need to stop and ask directions or get out a map.  And if it stays the same (and we are not at our goal weight) then we are going NO WHERE.  I hate going no where.  One of the highlights of my week is seeing my weight ticker going down.

Why am I going no where?

1. I missed and half assed too many workouts. 
2. I ate horribly much of the week.
3. I did not hold myself accountable for my actions.

How am I going to fix this?

1. Do what I say I am going to do.
2. Follow my eating plan. 
3. Stop eating out 4 or 5 days a week.
4. Hold myself accountable.  All the support and encouragement in the world does no good when I am not facing the consequences of my actions. 

My goals this week are not changing much.  Apparently I have the right idea or I would not have maintained.

1. Walk/ Jog 45 to 60 minutes 6 days
2. 100 sit ups daily
3. 60 push ups every other day
4. Biggest Loser 2 DVD Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday
5. Drink 90 oz of water daily
6. Meditate 15 minutes daily
7. Keep food log
8. Blog more and be more involved in the Wildcat forums

As I have said before this is about solutions not problems.  I want to change the old habits that are slowly killing me.  I can see how far I have come.  I am leaving the victim mentality behind.  I can see myself crossing the finish line of a 5k, wearing a little black dress, being comfortable in my own skin.  Plateau or not I am succeeding!

I am not sure about my progress this week.  I have been eating more carbs than I normally do.  I have controlled my portions for the most part, but I have not been as calorie conscious.  Like the fat free milk I bought from Braums has 130 calories per cup instead of the 70 to 90 of other fat free milk.  I know little things like this can add up and really show on the scale. 

I did go for a midnight walk Sunday night/ Monday morning.  I also walked to work this morning.   And let me tell ya it was already HOT at 7:30 when I left my apartment.  I will walk home at noon to get my car and run some errands.  I hope I don’t melt.  Soon I will only be able to walk to work then take the bus home.  I have lived in this God forsaken oven, aka Oklahoma,  long enough to know how dangerous the heat can be.  At least the bus is free since I am an employee.  Yeah job perks! 

 This morning I noticed a negative side effect of losing weight.  I am getting the under arm skin flap thing.  Does anyone have any suggestions on how to tighten up this area?  I don’t like the double wave I have goin on!