meltingaway

“The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!”  Marvin Phillips

This simple play on words got me thinking.  Do I have any umph in my life.  A couple months ago I was rockin the meal plan and workouts.  I was seeing losses of around 10 pounds each month.  I had umph!  The past couple months I have been lossing less than 5 pounds a month.  I have been phoning it in.  I lost my umph. 

I used to get out of bed at 5:30 3-5 times a week to walk for an hour or more.  I loved walking the quiet streets at dawn then coming home and making a fruit smoothie.  It was a great start to the day.  Now I drag myself out of bed and show up to work half put together and 5 minutes late.  These are classic signs of depression and burn out.  I have slipped off my game and I hate it.  I will not reach my goals this way anytime soon.  I have been talking about this off and on for weeks it seems.  I just can’t seem to get my head back in it.  URRGGG, I hate feeling this way.  I am wasting time and energy chasing the same rabbit trails.  I am getting NO WHERE!!!  In the past writing out my goals has helped.  So I’ll try that again, maybe seeing new goals will help.  

1. Lose 50 pounds this years.
2. 299 by New Years 2010
3. Hit half way to goal mark by my 31st birthday.  (June 2nd)
4. Reach Onderland
5. Hit 3/4 mark to gaol

I don’t want to put a timeline on my later goals yet.  When I do that I don’t enjoy the one I achieved yesterday.  I don’t celebrate them accomplishment and live in the moment.

I checked out a blog titled day 1 again just a second ago.  So how many day 1’s does it take?   My answer: As many as it takes to reach health and fitness goals and maintain them.  This isn’t a sprint, it’s a life long change.  So if it takes 1 or 1,000 day 1’s who cares?  As long as we keep trying and never give up we are succeeding.

I am sick as a dog at the moment.  My eating is all over the place, and I am not exercise because I feel like I am going to pass out walking 20 feet.  I am starting a second round of antibiotics and steroids.  I am finally slowing down enough to rest and let my body heal.  I am hoping that I will finally kick this stuff and be well again. Today the scale showed I am down 8 pounds.  This in not the healthy way to lose the weight.  I doubt it will hold since I am starting steroids.  I will be more careful of my eating and keep my calories low.  I’ll see how it all comes out at the end of the week.

I am working out my thoughts in this blog.  I need to get them organized and focused. I do that best if I reason everything out on paper or screen.  It will most likely be boring, but it’s what is on my mind today.   My life is becoming a big mess.  Nothing is organized or planned, and I am missing too many of my goals.  I have been slipping bit by bit for a month or so.  So what to do now?  Look at my priorities and see if they are on track to reach my goals and live the life I want to live.   Get rid of the clutter in my life.  Start planning meals and exercise in more detail.  If I don’t know what I am doing to reach to my goals then I won’t reach them. 

What I know I need to do to reach my health goals.

1. Meal Planning
2. Exercise
3. Water
4. Sleep
5. Motivation and Focus

I have been on track with water since last Thursday.   I started getting caught up on sleep last night and will continue to get at least 7 hours each night.  I would like to get 8, but that is not always possible.  Motivation is this blog.  As I get everything in order and plan I will become more motivated and focused. That leaves meal planning and exercise.  These are the most difficult for me.  I don’t know why they just are.  I need 30 to 60 minutes of exercise 5 days a week and 2,000 to 2,300 calories per day.  I will start posting my accountability here or in the Wildcat forum. 

Gotta cut this short.  I will write more later/tomorrow.

As of last week I had 5 pounds until my next mini goal.  So what do I do.  I get stressed and burned out and I am up 5 pounds this week.  I don’t officially weigh in until Thursday, and I know a lot can happen in that time.  But I am thinking I am not going to like what I see on the scale this week.  I know what I did.  I stopped training and started eating.  My behavior and habit are the definition of insanity.

Okay shutting up now.  I am not going to come on here and whine and cry because I made bad choices.  Here is my plan for the rest of the week. 

Tuesday:

• 50 sit ups
• 50 push ups
• 6 1/2 hours on my feet at job #2

Wednesday:

• Walk everywhere.  I will not need my car until 6:15pm.  I can walk to everything.
• Yoga 30 minutes

Thursday:

• Walk everywhere. I will to need my car at all today. 

Friday:

• 50 sit ups
• 50 push ups
• 6 1/2 hours on my feet at job #2 

2,000 calories per day

64 oz of water per day

I woke up in the worst mood this morning. I am trying to snap myself out of it, but so far no luck.  I am annoyed because the last few days have been great days.  I don’t want to be pissed off, I want to be happy damn it!  Which it is pissing me off even more that I cannot get myself out of this black mood.  I thought venting would help, but so far it has not.  I just got this message on twitter -”pinkshepherd@Jessisbored Here is a simple meditation you can do at work. Close your eyes. Take the deepest longest breath you can. Exhale while smiling.”  I forget to breath when I am in a bad mood.  It help me begin to relax.

Gees do I sound like a big whiny baby or what?   Ok, I am feeling better now.

Yesterday I did a few searches on line for new exercises.  I found a great sight for exercise ball beginners. (I am finally getting more comfortable on mine)  http://www.exerciseballworkouts.net/index.html.  I also found some yoga poses to strengthen my back.  Sun Salutation and something Cat.  I love Sun Salutations and Cobra pose.   

I am walking home for lunch today.  University Avenue is open again which makes it even easier to walk.  I just need to do it more often. 

Every year at this time I am caught off guard by allergies.  I don’t have the normal reaction so I spend a few days or a week wondering what the heck is wrong with me.  Well it’s hit again, and that is the reason I am tired, my head is fuzzy, and I can’t seem to think straight, no sneezing, watery eyes, stuffiness, or congestion.  When the head ache hit a few minutes ago I finally realized what is going on with my body.  I hope it passes quickly.  I am a big whiny baby and I hate not feeling like myself. But on to the better news.

I lost 5 pounds this week.  I made some good choices and they paid off.  I am still soda free!

Thursday Accountability: Day 4 of staying with in calorie range.  Missed my water by 2/3s.  I did take my medication, but was unable to read blogs or the Wildcat forum.  I also didn’t exercise.  I missed more of my goals than I checked off.  Which is fine, I am not perfect and everyone has off days. 

My goals for the week.

1. Stay with in calorie range. 
2. Exercise 5 days.
3. Take meds
4. Drink 96 oz of water daily
5. Stay in touch with buddies.
6. Read a book 30 minutes everyday. 

I hope this all makes some sense to everyone.  I can’t focus enough to be certain that what I typed is what I meant to say. 

Let no feeling of discouragement prey upon you, and in the end you are sure to succeed. - Abraham Lincoln

Another good day, with odd hectic morning.  I work up with 25 minutes to show, get dressed, and eat breakfast.  Then I left my keys in my car when I got to work.  I haven’t done that in forever! 

I am looking forward to this evening.  I am going to go to my Dad’s and mow to do yard work.  There is always tons to do and not enough time to do it.  Between the heat and and the work it will be really good exercise.  I like to change things up as often as possible.  It keeps me from getting bored and keeps my body guessing. 

I missed my exercise goals for the last 2 days.  I need to step it up and get my body moving if I want to see  results.  I also need to start counting calories more.  I need to be more aware of what I am putting into my body and what I am burning off.  I would love to get a body bug.  But I know I can’t afford it at the moment. 

I have rambled long enough for one day.  Thanks everyone for reading.

I had a great weekend.  Nothing special, just quiet and relaxing.  I managed to get in some exercise on Sunday, which was great.  I was actually ready to come back to work this morning, which kinda freaks me out.

I walked 3 miles and had my usual fruit and soy milk smoothie with 2 pieces of peanut butter toast this morning.  I love starting the day that way.  It feels like I am on track and setting myself up for a great day.  I found an article on MSN.com about plateaus.  It was interesting and said what I already knew to be true.  The only way to get off a plateau is to identify problem areas and find solutions to fix them.  I am including the link so you can read it if you like. 

http://health.msn.com/weight-loss/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100241751&gt1=31036

I have a job interview at Wal-Mart tomorrow morning.  I need extra cash to make ends meet.  It’s weekends in clothing (soft line).  I hope I get it.  It will help me afford new clothing while I lose weight.  Plus I will be working around people and I love people.  They are so fun and unpredictable.  It will take a bit to get used to working on my feet again, but I know I can do it.

I am pissed at myself.  I ate exactly as much as I burned this week.  I maintained, no gain, no loss, just stayed where I was.  The scale is our compass that shows where we are going.  (Read that in someones blog last month, wish I remembered who’s.  It was an awesome blog.)  If is it goes down we are headed in the right direction.  If it goes up we are going in the wrong direction and need to stop and ask directions or get out a map.  And if it stays the same (and we are not at our goal weight) then we are going NO WHERE.  I hate going no where.  One of the highlights of my week is seeing my weight ticker going down.

Why am I going no where?

1. I missed and half assed too many workouts. 
2. I ate horribly much of the week.
3. I did not hold myself accountable for my actions.

How am I going to fix this?

1. Do what I say I am going to do.
2. Follow my eating plan. 
3. Stop eating out 4 or 5 days a week.
4. Hold myself accountable.  All the support and encouragement in the world does no good when I am not facing the consequences of my actions. 

My goals this week are not changing much.  Apparently I have the right idea or I would not have maintained.

1. Walk/ Jog 45 to 60 minutes 6 days
2. 100 sit ups daily
3. 60 push ups every other day
4. Biggest Loser 2 DVD Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday
5. Drink 90 oz of water daily
6. Meditate 15 minutes daily
7. Keep food log
8. Blog more and be more involved in the Wildcat forums

As I have said before this is about solutions not problems.  I want to change the old habits that are slowly killing me.  I can see how far I have come.  I am leaving the victim mentality behind.  I can see myself crossing the finish line of a 5k, wearing a little black dress, being comfortable in my own skin.  Plateau or not I am succeeding!

This morning I woke up and went for a jog/walk, 1/5 jogging 4/5 walking.  I was able to clear my head enough to realize I need to be thankful for what I have.   I also turned on music while I was getting ready for work.  I love dancing around like an idiot.

Yesterday was the worst day I have had in months.  It began on Monday, I was temporarily laid off from my second job.  Without that income I can’t pay all my bills.  The stress from that built and built.  Then I wrote that extremely honest blog.  Opening up that way on top of money worries was like salt on an open wound.  I began a fast downward spiral into to hopelessness and depression.  I did eat a bowl of ice cream and 2 taquitos but stopped there emotional eating there and went to talk to a friend.  I took a couple loads of laundry with me and we talked out the situation. 

I am not sure were I found it, but I am at peace with everything today.  I know I have been through worse and the only reason things were so bed yesterday was I was focused on problems and not solutions.  Opening up and getting things off my chest still scares me.  I can’t believe I said what I said.  I never take off the mask that way.  At the same time I have a goof grin on my face because I know I am here for all the right reasons.  I am here to support and encourage others as I learn from them and I am supported and encouraged by them. 

I exercised 6 days last week.  I didn’t do as much as I had planned each day, just the same I am happy with what I did.  I made more effort to drink enough water each day, and ate better than I had the week before.  I can tell the difference in my legs, I have more muscle tone.  My Canckles are disappearing.  I haven’t had ankles in over 20 years. 

The outer changes are great, but the inner changes are even better.  I am learning to see myself more clearly.  I am able to see I am capable of dealing with my emotions and not numb them with food.  Little by little I am getting closer to uncovering the person I am becoming.  I am finding my self and my voice. 

I am so thankful to everyone here for the support, encouragement, and words of advice.  I know I would not be able to do this alone.  It is easier to believe the negative self talk that has held me back for years.  Turning off that nasty little voice and learning to listen to the positive is surly one of the most difficult things I will ever do.  I know I can do it though.  I am not alone in this and I will never be again.  I know I have the support here and in my real life friends.  Being confident in this gives me the drive to do more. 

My goals for the week.  Aiming high to push myself, you never know what you can do until you try.

1. Walk 45 to 60 minutes
2. 75 push ups each day
3. 40 push ups every other day
4. Biggest Loser DVD Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday
5. Drink 90 oz of water each day
6. Meditate 15 minutes each day
7. Keep food log up to date.

I wear a pedometer everyday.  After my walk this morning I looked at it and I had already met all my step goals for the entire day!   It is so cool to see what I am doing.  It is interesting to see how much I can do in a day as well.  I think the most I have done so far is 14,000 steps.  And let me tell ya, I was very sore that night.

Anyway my point is if you haven’t tried using a pedometer it’s something to think about.  I have noticed I do better if a move throughout the day and the pedometer helps me accomplish that.  It also shows me when I have sat around and done nothing all day.  I got mine on line at amazon.com.  You can find them for as little as $10 or as much as $100.  Mine is an Omron Walking style, it has all the bells and whistles.  It retails for $50, I found it on sale for $32 with free shipping.